Friday, December 25, 2009


Today is Christmas Day and I am glad to be home to celebrate it with my wonderful husband, children and brother. I got in yesterday afternoon after several blessed events that got me into Salt Lake much earlier than I should have originally arrived. We've had a great Christmas morning and a relaxing day. It has been so nice.

As many of you know I lost my sister very unexpectedly exactly one week ago today. Katalin passed away after giving birth to her first child. Even though, technically, Katalin is my stepsister she and her sisters have been a part of my life since she was a baby and I never refer to them with "step" in front of "sister" because I just don't think that way.

Right now I am still very numb. Sometimes, over the last few days, when there has been a lull in things to occupy my hands and mind despite my efforts to keep myself constantly busy; I find myself wondering how it is that life outside of this tragedy has continued to go on? When I think about it I don't understand how it is that the world around me has not completely ceased to function. I know, of course, the answer to this question. I have people in my life that still need me, that need life to continue as normal. Just as everyone does. We all need that and now there is someone else in my life that needs that too. Katalin and Oscar's son Benjamin is doing well and needs his world to continue even if it can't include his beautiful, caring and vivacious mother.

I know these thoughts are so random and may not make any sense but I feel I need to say something, I need to get it out.

While I was in North Carolina trying to be of some help to my family during this difficult time I was privileged to be able to create the video slide-show that was displayed at Katalin's viewing. It was not easy to look at all those pictures and remember her and then realize that I would not see her again for a long time, that she would never get to see her son grow up and I almost couldn't finish it. But I knew everyone was counting on this so I had to find some way to make it through it. I decided I had to see those pictures and remember the wonderful things about her and think about how her son needed to see this someday and know as much as possible about his mother and know without a shadow of doubt that his mother loved him dearly.

Here are a few pictures of Benjamin. He is still in the NICU but is doing well and the night that I left Wilmington I got to hold him! I didn't have my camera with me at that visit but Oscar and Christy took some pictures for me so as soon as I get those I will post them. Here are some pictures that I got of him a few days before.

I thought I would share the video with you. It's just a very simple slide-show but it shows how beautiful my sister is and there are a few pictures of Benjamin at the end but for some reason I can't get it to upload so I will keep working on it and post it as soon as I can.

In the meantime, isn't Benjamin beautiful?!